Jurassic World: Failing Franchise

Yeah, so I'm taking a VERY short break from fights to write this. I know that this should technically be under reviews and I'm a year late.... but whatever..... This is all based around my opinion and how I felt about certain aspects of the movie. Mainly just a collection of my incoherent ramblings. Also, the title may be an misnomer, I'm not talking about the franchise as a whole, just Fallen Kingdom, I just tried (and failed) at coming up with a joke based around the name of Fallen Kingdom. Also, obviously SPOILER WARNINGS, if you somehow haven't seen the movie yet. Anyways let's get into the figh-REVIEW, sorry, review! 

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom. The most recent installment (at the time of writing) of the Jurassic Park/World franchise, and.... well...... it was good FOR A DINOSAUR film, especially when compared to "Jurassic Shark" (more of a shark film, since it has Megalodon, but whatever). However, in my opinion, it is the WORST Jurassic Park movie made to date. If it didn't have the name "Jurassic World", I'd be pretty happy with it. It'd be the second best Dinosaur movie I'd ever seen, if I were to consider the 4 other movies as a single spot/movie. If not, it'd be fifth. However, since it's leeching off of the success of its predecessors, it's bloody rubbish. First, I'll go into with what was RIGHT with the movie. First, I like the design of the Indoraptor, I wasn't much for the quadrupedal position at first, but they really made it work and it looked terrifying. Second, a lot of the special effects were pretty good, at least to me and compared to Jurassic World. I personally preferred the effects in the first three movies, especially the original, but it works well here. Third, JEFF GOLDBLUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMM!!!! I always loved Ian Malcolm, but there is something that bugs me about him here. I'll go back into that later. Fourth, the scenes with the Dinosaurs roaming the mainland were nice. Fifth, some of the PURELY comedy scenes were funny, like Owen saying goodbye to Claire or when he was getting blood from Rexy. They finally made use of Chris Pratt's comedy background. Lastly, the poor Brachiosaurus..... If I was alone when I watched the movie, I probably would have cried at that......DON'T JUDGE ME!!!!

Next, the much longer, more WELL FORMED list of what was WRONG with the movie. First, there was TOO MUCH crammed into ONE FILM. The 2 parts of the movie aren't really fleshed out, and too much happens in each part. You have no time to say goodbye to the island, and there isn't much action on the island. The mansion scenes were also too short to be very scared for our characters or to be too intimidated by the villains. Due to this, you don't really learn the personality of the new Dinosaurs in the movie. Which brings me to number two, you don't really learn the identity of the Dinosaurs. For example, Velociraptors, cunning and ruthless pack hunters. Dilophosaurus, curious little spitters. Tyrannosaurus, the motherbleeping T-rex that wrecks all. Spinosaurus, the hyper aggressive T-rex wrecker that eats telephones. My point is, you could tell what the Dinosaur acted like in all of the movies, except in this one (and the Apatosaurus from Jurassic World, but probably similar to Brachiosaurus). Imagine if the Dinosaurs from the original movie all did the same thing, had no difference in personality, and just acted like the same things in different sizes. They'd basically be zombies, and people would definitely like the movie less. Part of the reason the original movie worked is because all the Dinosaurs had time to build their character and to show their personality, important for all "characters" in all movies. In Fallen Kingdom, none of the Dinosaurs really have a distinct personality, besides the smiling, stupid Indoraptor, the happy(?) Sinoceratops that licks people, and the headbutting Stygimoloch that hates whistles. But we still don't entirely know what they act like or even how they really differ from other dinos, besides the Indoraptor being a weapon, the Stygimoloch seems to have a somewhat similar personality to the Pachycephalosaurus in the Lost World, so I'm not sure if the whistling thing is unique to Stygi, or if it is also apparent in its relative, so that makes it have an even worse individual personality. The worst offenders are the Allosaurus, Baryonyx, and Carnotaurus. They have no survival instinct!!! The Carnotaurus and Allosaurus were trying to hunt while the volcano was erupting, the former not noticing a T-rex right next to it, though to be fair neither did ANYTHING in the Visitor Center in the first film notice Rexy either. The Baryonyx tried to walk through dripping lava! Besides their lack of survival instinct, you don't really learn about them. Heck, they had a HUGE missed opportunity that could have been explored if the movie was made into 2 movies. If we had more time on the island, we could have had some horror scenes of the island. For example, like having the Carnotaurus camouflage and eat people like in the second novel! For added effect, get it to swallow people whole, it may have done that anyway!  The team is deep in the forest at midnight when they feel something off. They feel like they're being watched, when suddenly Bob (because his name is Bob) is missing. Then they see half of Ricky disappear, his other half thrown in the air and disappear entirely. Then they can barely see the outlines of the pack of predators surrounding them. Suddenly, the Carnotaurus rush in and grab as many as they can and swallow them ALIVE while the humans frantically shoot, unable to see the Carnotaurus. That'd be an amazing scene, kinda bringing back the Dilophosaurus theme from the original movie. In fact, have a pack of Dilophosaurus blind the humans while the Carnotaurus run in and eat the others! It would be chaos! That'd make for a nice B movie, if they include those two dinos into a b movie with Jurassic Park abilities. And then as one tries to swim away a Baryonyx swims from underneath and kills him like a crocodile! The others can only stare from the edge, but see many, MANY logs facing them, neither side ever moving unless one goes into the water. Then the Allosaurus could have a slasher feel vibe, gutting people with its claws and if it gets one in its jaws it slams it repeatedly into trees and into the floor as hard as it can. Just by the way a Dinosaur KILLS a person you can tell its personality, From that idea, the Carnotaurus are nocturnal camouflaging hunters that are incredibly confident at night. Baryonyx, timid, hunts like a Croc and only attacks if its prey comes into the water. The Allosaurus, an incredibly aggressive powerhouse that just demolishes anything it comes into contact with, like the rex and spino but even MORE aggressive with prey, or at least in a different way. Sinoceratops could have killed an Allosaurus, showing it as the first herbivore we've seen capable of fighting back. For the comedic Stygimoloch, have it fight blue, knock her unconscious with a swing to the head, and trip while it's running away. Not the BEST idea, but could have given a faint idea of what it will do in the next part/movie. The Indoraptor could have been a torturer, and slowly killed people, it would have been terrifying and given it character besides the murderous Dinosaur that SMILES (MUCH more on that later). Third, Owen and Claire's relationship. Why did the writers choose to break them up between movies to just bring them back together in this movie? It made the already poorly written (no offense) chemistry and character development they had in Jurassic World pointless and even worse when they tried to do it again in this film. Next, why did they choose CLAIRE to be the head of the DPG? She'd have a horrible reputation, and in the previous film she was established as seeing the Dinosaurs as objects basically, so that makes little sense. The point of the other two DPG members whose name I don't remember besides comic relief and saving Blue? Why did the main villains have to be so cliche, especially that joke of a hunter. Also, WHY DID THE INDORAPTOR SMILE INTO THE CAMERA?!!! This was supposed to be the "horror" Jurassic Park sequel, so why did they have it SMILE into the camera? Also, the first few deaths caused by the Indoraptor were overall really stupid, such as THE SMILE KILL and the elevator kill. The former was improperly executed because A. it was comical B. Actors, ESPECIALLY NOT MAIN VILLAIN DINOSAURS, are not supposed to look, let alone SMILE into the camera C. The hunter was stupid about being aware of his surroundings D. The Indoraptor even waved its tail so the guy would notice and E. The guy could have gotten in a ton of trouble for messing with their super secret, multi million dollar weapon. The latter shouldn't have been in the film because A. The woman who screamed was incredibly stupid, she's buying a bunch of Dinosaurs probably for war or hunting, so she's probably ok with the idea of people being eaten by Dinosaurs, so why she was so horrified is kinda beyond me (if she has a sense of empathy, then that would explained it, but she doomed everyone almost INTENTIONALLY so that can't be it) and she could have, I don't know, JUST NOT SCREAMED!!! B. The Indoraptor accidentally opens the elevator with its tail, making it comical C. The auctioneer not noticing the Indoraptor at first was even MORE comical. D. WHY DID HE HAVE TO PUSH THE WOMAN OUT OF THE WAY TO REACH THE BUTTON?!! They were both asking for it, because the noise of her stumbling would have been enough to alert any predator (except for this super secret weapon, of course), especially on metal with if I remember right were high heels. Lastly, E. this both kills could have been MUCH scarier, like if the kill of the hunter was less comedic, or if the Indoraptor picked the lock itself before the hunter got in. Then as he got to the cage door, it suddenly snaps its head through and mauls the guy. Then, at the elevator, the Indoraptor notices them from someone dropping a coin or falling over when the auctioneer pushed them. Then it sprints over at high speeds, preparing to crush them, but the elevator door closes just in time. Then the Indoraptor shows its strength by clawing at the metal, making dents visible from within and opening a few small holes. However, the elevator is stuck because of the damage, and the Indoraptor examines the elevator button. It echolocates with its sickle claw and from its vision we see it can see the area behind the door mechanism and the wires. It then stabs its claws through and pulls the whole mechanism out of the wall, slightly parting the doors. Only slightly. Then it slowly opens them with its claws as everyone in the elevator cowers in fear, and it cuts away as it snaps its jaws around the camera. While not exactly extremely impressive, and of course it can easily be done better, this still at least give a semblance of a horror vibe, displaying some of its personality and traits, the intelligence and strength of the Indoraptor and its ruthlessness. The next thing I feel was wrong with the movie are the designs of the new Dinosaurs. Ever since Jurassic World they aren't even TRYING to make things accurate, something that was a whole point of the original films. Heck, even the Spinosaurus was accurate for the times. Now, they introduce the Apatosaurus in Jurassic World and make it look like an (adorable) grey blob, missing out on some of the unique characteristics of an actual Apatosaurus, like the whip tail or the unique skull. They actually made the Stegosaurus MORE inaccurate between films, in the lost world it held its tail parallel to the ground, which is accurate. In Jurassic World, they decided to have it almost drag on the ground, which has been inaccurate since the Lost World. They don't even have the excuse of continuity like they did with the Velociraptors and Tyrannosaurus, now they just made it MORE inaccurate for the heck of it. It actually reminds me of what Dr. Wu wanted to do in the original novel, make the Dinosaurs more inaccurate to appeal to the public more. Baryonyx had a great and accurate design on the website made for the first movie, but in this movie they decided to make it incredibly inaccurate AGAIN. Seriously, they had a brilliant and accurate design for the previous movie and scrapped it. The Baryonyx does look kinda cool, but not like a Baryonyx. It's claws feel small to me, it feels short (to me), it doesn't know to stay away from lava, and has the skull of the Spinosaurus from JP III without the Allosaur head crests and a bit wider. The Sinoceratops looks adorable, it has holes in its frill, maybe a bit big, missing probable quills, but looks adorable and is so adorably chubby of Jurassic World. I just kinda wanna hug it, and the colors on it look really nice too. The Carnotaurus is a bit bulky, it was more oriented towards speed. It also wouldn't have fought a Sinoceratops, as it specialized in smaller prey, but it also wouldn't attack it SINCE A VOLCANO IS ERUPTING!! I love the colors on it and the design is nice, though inaccurate. They missed out on the opportunity of using the camouflaging Carnotaurus of the novel, which would have provided GREAT horror material. The Allosaurus lacks protofeathers, but this is excusable since Allosaurus is less likely to have them than, say, a Velociraptor. It looks crocodilian in a way. Doesn't seem to have much character. Main inaccuracy that I remember is that the snout is kinda long for an Allosaurus. Stygimoloch was adorable too, and was probably the most fleshed out Dinosaur in the film. Really Baryonyx was the worst off in terms of design, but it and the other carnis got the stiff end for behaviour, Sinoceratops as well. The Indoraptor had an awesome design, although I wasn't a fan of it at first, it grew on me. I can look over the inaccuracies because it's a hybrid. I won't excuse its uselessness. First of all, they trained it to attack people when someone points a gun at a person, they press a button, and the Indoraptor would go kill them. But why not just shoot them, because, you know, YOU'RE POINTING THE GUN RIGHT AT THEM?!! Plus, if you point the gun at the Indoraptor, will it eat itself? Also, it's somehow bullet proof, but can barely hold its own against a Velociraptor, a lone Velociraptor. It's intelligent, but instead of eating the large prey trapped under a log and beneath it (Claire and Owen in the Dinosaur statue area), it chases Maisy, the little child who is capable of running away. The Indoraptor didn't show much intelligence, it couldn't even see three people quite literally under its nose. The only intelligence it showed was when it pretended to be asleep. This little intelligence rule applies to Maisy and Owen too, as Maisy could out maneuver guards and an Indoraptor, but thought her blankets would protect her from it. When Owen faced the Indoraptor in Maisy's room, he could have grabbed Maisy and ran, gotten to cover, distracted the Indoraptor to buy Maisy time to get away,  lured the Indoraptor to Blue to buy Maisy time to get away, or since he had the gun, pointed it at some of Maisy's toys or the balcony ledge, OR AT THE INDORAPTOR ITSELF TO ANSWER MY QUESTION. But no, he just drops the gun and cowers at the wall. Like a child who believes their blanket will protect them. On the subject of Maisy, why did they make her a clone? It served no purpose besides the reason she let them all out. Also, it was such an anticlimactic reveal. It would have been cool to see if she was part Velociraptor (this movie has abandoned logic and scientific accuracy by this point, so why not?), that could explain her Velociraptorish intelligence, sneakiness, and behaviour, such as scaring her caretakers and following people. Then she could communicate with Blue like the Indominus! Maybe even to the Indoraptor! Maybe that's why it was following her and didn't kill her immediately when it found her in the bed, maybe it sensed she was his own kind. It also would serve little to no purpose, maybe for calling Blue over to help fight, or for the next movie, but so did the clone thing. Also, there's 3 things wrong with the ending. Firstly, Maisy doomed California because the Dinosaurs were "like her". Second, she didn't doom those towns, because we have a metric butt load, or an imperial super ton, of weapons that would easily kill the Dinosaurs, like NUKES! Of course, no one wants to nuke California to contain some animals, but they could also just use guns. They aren't bullet proof, unlike the Indoraptor and Indominus. In fact, we see a T-rex be sedated from a single, high dose dart in the Lost World, so they aren't infallable. I think the main troubles to kill would be Blue, Rexy, the Ankylosaurs, and the Apatosaurs. Blue would be hard to find, Rexy would kill a lot of people, Apatosaurus are huge and would take a lot of bullets, and the Ankylosaurus have the bony armour, so it'd be tough to bring them down. They could just aim for the head, underside of neck, or underbelly, though. The Mosasaurus could just be torpedoed from a distance, so no trouble there. Lastly, and most importantly, there was a way to save the Dinosaurs without letting them out into the world. Anyone want to guess how? You may have figured it out, unlike our "heroes" who doomed who knows how many people. It was just to leave the Dinosaurs inside their cages while opening the gates. The Dinosaurs would still be safe in their cages and the gas would just flow out of the doors, not killing the Dinosaurs. Your welcome, heroes who didn't think enough. I wonder if they're interviewed in the next movie by some reporters, if they'll ask why they didn't just do this instead of what they actually did. That would be absolutely hilarious to me. Now we reach the subject of Jeff Goldblum. He did not have enough screen time and too minor a role. This was not a Stan Lee cameo (may he rest in peace) who is not exactly an established character, but a serious character who people were excited to see. He couldn't even have a scene declining to come to the island or to have a conversation with Claire about why they should let the Dinosaurs die, influencing her decision to let them die in Lockwood Manor? He didn't even account our metric butt load of weapons and the small amount of Dinosaurs that could reach the mainland. Yes, we'd lose possibly hundreds of lives, but it wouldn't be "Jurassic World" as Ian Malcolm says, we would have been able to kill all of them, and if we couldn't they would never be able to reach, Australia, Antarctica, Europe, Asia, or Africa, and the ones that somehow managed to sneak onto a boat must be small and not T-rex size, or in other words more easily manageable/killable. The Mosasaurus, again, can be torpedoed and probably won't reach the other side of the world. If it does, it's still restricted by the ocean and can't reach land. So in other words, we're safe from Dinosaurs (and Mosasaurs). Our main threat in these continents would be Pteranodon, but non of them were saved so we'll just be chilling on our safe continents while the Dinosaurs can just have the Americas worst case scenario. Then we just nuke them. WIN!!!!!! (I'm just kidding about nuking them, if you couldn't tell). We have such superior numbers and weapons that we'd be able to exterminate them, like 1 billion killer bees against sixty people, or 1 billion red bellied piranhas (if they were to actually attack people) against 70 people. It'd be no contest, especially since a lot of our weapons are ranged weapons. Also, how did Owen survive the volcanic ash? That stuff burns at hundreds of degrees, so he should have been dead. Lastly, and most importantly, the tone is inconsistent. For example, in the middle of an action scene to escape the island, the main characters just crack a joke. Immediately after that there is a tear jerking scene while you watch a Brachiosaurus die, and after that the characters are just sneaking around! The Indoraptor's first kills were comical while at the same time trying to have a horror theme. A comical irony takes place when the new DPG member (I can't remember the names of more than 2 new characters in this film sorry) almost escapes the Baryonyx in an action scene for the ladder to comically slide back down to put him comically staring and then screaming at the Baryonyx, to go right back to the action! Then there is the hot mess of a scene where Owen was still numb and was trying to escape the lava by rolling away, trying to be funny and be an action scene at the same time. So much stuff was packed into this movie to prepare for the next film that the tones are constantly inconsistent, and just make the movie worse than it should be. So many missed opportunities, and so many things that should have been done differently. 

In Conclusion, this was the worst Jurassic Park movie, at least to me. The tones are inconsistent, too much is packed in one movie, characters were cliche and unmemorable, and the movie missed many great opportunities and did so many things wrong, in my opinion. There were some good things about the movie, like some scenes were done well, such as the saddest scene in JP history, though not the most consistent in tone, still the saddest to me. They brought back Ian Malcolm, even if only briefly. The special effects were a step up from Jurassic World (not Jurassic Park) in my opinion. However, overall, it was a "bad" Jurassic Park film. It's not exactly "bad", no JP movie ever could be, no matter how bad they screw up, and is still good for an above PG Dinosaur movie, like compared to the garbage that was Age of the Dinosaurs. Still, it is the bottom of the barrel for the series, and hopefully the next film will be much better. Of course, as I have stressed, this is just my opinion, and you're all entitled to your own opinions of the movie. Wow, if you guys actually made sense of these incoherent ramblings of a lunatic, I'd be thoroughly surprised. I think I may have bashed this film more than I should have, but at the time of writing I'm too tired to be reasonable. That sentence didn't even make any sense, nor did the excuse. I really need to work on my critiquing skills. So what did you guys think about the movie? I'd love to hear your thoughts about the film!